He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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