remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
