I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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