Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
