Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
