I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
