You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
