is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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