Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
