Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
