I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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