there's paper in my vomit.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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