the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize