On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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