Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
