at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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