SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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