my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
