Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
