Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
