my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize