Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
where are you?
Hypothermia
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
