Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dear god my vagina.
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