Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
