I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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