GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
