You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize