Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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