If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
