My balls are so social today.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
