She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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