Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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