Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize