Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
