One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
