I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I FOUND THE LEGS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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