And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You made out with two different species that night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
