I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
