I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
