Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
