I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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