omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Holy shit dude........stairs
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