I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
don't judge my taste in strippers
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
