I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
