my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
