i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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