2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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