I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
