my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize