Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
