My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
