I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
