his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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