I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize