so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
