Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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