I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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