dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
