apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
