Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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