All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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