I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
