we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
