The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm both gender and math confused
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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