I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
