Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
