just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
