i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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