TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize