Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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