Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
