some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
