Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
