My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
