i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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