She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
