i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
