Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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