that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
