Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i love accidental penises.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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