I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize