I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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