My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
