I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
