so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
