You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
