i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
