I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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