Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
