One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
