Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
