Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
