Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
