You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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