this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
