I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
