i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
