so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
