I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize