The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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