my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
