checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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