He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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