She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
how do flat chested girls get laid?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
